cross roads

So here I find myself a small town cliche - alone and broken hearted.

I can't go back to what I was; I don't want to. I don't know what I am anymore. The aloneness I feel is vast, and changing. It's a sea of sorrow that changes with the wind to a sea of spiritualism. What would I become now if I hadn't found a relationship with God? It would be easy to be overwhelmed with anger and hatred and self-pity. I find I can manage to step over the lies and hurt and wounded self-worth. The fear is harder.

I wanted a life partner. I don't think I will ever have one now, because the man that would make it worth the risk cannot possibly exist.

But there is Life to love, and Light and Breath. And my children. And me. There's always me.

alive

My spirit is alive and singing. Everything is beautiful, and that which has lost it's beauty is tinged with hope. I trust in God and I can feel the rhythm of life bubbling within me.

Many aspects of my life work to squash this ectasy, to kill-joy. I have in the past succumbed to the killjoys because it's hard to fight for this intense bliss. But I am no longer alone in the river of bliss.

Laughing and crying and praying and dancing and breathing. The Supernatural of the Holy Spirit is alive is alive is alive.